Kisses for kicks
by Thatkliqkid
Summary: Oneshot. Set in 1997. DX know just how to get under Bret Hart's skin.


"You…_kissed_ me"

Hunter's tone was one of utter confusion.

Shawn grinned, satisfied with himself.

"Like it?" he asked tilting his head cockily.

Hunter looked momentarily flustered, rouge smearing his cheeks as Joanie flung her arm across his shoulder.

"It's ok if you liked it, I'll just kick your ass after I get done beating his" she joked.

Shawn laughed, swerving mobs of crewmen as he half walked- half danced down the corridor.

"Someone's in a good mood" snapped Bret as Shawn bounded into the locker room, followed at a slower pace by Hunter and Joanie.

"Almost _gay_" replied Shawn before Bret could get the dig in, "But not quite Hitman, sorry to disappoint you"

"Oh yeah?"

" Oh no" Shawn shook his head, " I know it breaks your heart but sorry no matter how I try my gate refuses to swing that way…even for the pink and perm attack"

"It's pink and black attack"

Shawn widened his eyes in mock surprise

"Really, truly and honestly?? I thought it was pink and perm."

"You're a piece of work you know that Michaels?"

"That is the rumour Hart" responded Shawn pointedly as he rummaged in his duffel bag seeking fresh clothes.

"Do you have to be a jackass?"

Shawn stood, face scrunched up as he pretended to ponder.

"Well I could be a sanctimonious hypocrite….but you've got that covered" he shrugged finally, a smirk creasing his sun-kissed features.

"Fuck you" spat Bret

"Now I don't know how many times I have to tell you this but I'm not interested Bret! Don't make me go back to Vin Man and tell him you're still sexually harassing me"

Bret snorted in contempt, muttering something about Shawn and Vince beneath his breath.

"What?" Shawn snarled, all joviality erased from his tone.

"I said if anyone knew a thing or two about sexual harassment it would be you and him" repeated Bret

Shawn twisted his face up indignantly, repulsion scrawled across his features.

"Please keep your fantasies to yourself" he spluttered finally, smiling briefly as he heard Hunter explode into appreciative peals of laughter behind him.

" _My_ fantasies?! You're out on national TV kissing-"

"Ah here we go, here's the issue" interjected Shawn turning to Hunter, "Hart's a homophobe"

"I'm-"

"Don't try denying it" Shawn cried, "The sight of me kissing Hunter physically repulses your condescending and ignorant ass. You are the reason there is war in this world Bret!"

"Bit of a stretch don't you think?" muttered Hunter through his giggles

"No seriously Hunt, people go to war all the time against intolerant Canadians like him"

"They do?" enquired Hunter raising an eyebrow

"Yup in his wonderful little country instead of hailing Hitler, they hail Bryan Adams therefore we must fight back, Clinton for the win!"

"Bryan Adams?" snickered Hunter interrupting Shawn's battle cry

"I couldn't think of another Canadian Icon" shrugged Shawn, "Oh wait, Wayne Gretsky!"

"Will you shut up?" roared Bret patience stretched to breaking point.

"Oh you shouldn't have said Gretsky" whispered Hunter, "Look at him, all purple, that vein's practically bulging-"

"Do you think he's going to call me a faggot again? I think I might cry" replied Shawn sardonically.

"Oh please, don't lose your smile" sneered Bret

Shawn smiled leisurely

"Nope it's still here" he retorted, " I told 'ya I found it in Texas and carry it with me everywhere I go, it's a great little asset, you should get yourself one. A smile and a personality would do you wonders"

"Grow up"

Shawn looked upwards.

"Damn it I stopped growing at eighteen. Fuck I should have told God to add on a couple of inches for Bret Hart's own personal pleasure"

Hunter spluttered, choking on laughter at Shawn's innuendo.

"I'm gonna kick your ass I promise" seethed Bret.

Shawn bit his lip and glanced at Hunter

"Will you save me if he attempts to molest me?" he enquired, deadly serious.

"GET OUT!"

Shawn blinked, unfazed by Bret's hostility.

"This is a public dressing room Bret; I can stay here as long as I wish. I don't have to leave"

"MOVE!" growled Bret standing nose to nose with the young Texan.

" If you plan on pulling my hair could you get some off the other side? It'd be nice if it could match" grinned Shawn his tone dripping with antagonism

Bret emitted a snarl of disgust before shoving ferociously past the younger man.

" You think maybe that was as a result of the kiss?"

Shawn turned to Hunter, brow scrunched with concentration.

" If it was, maybe I should kiss you more often"

"Or not. Not's good" laughed Hunter

" Meh girl's taste better anyway" Shawn shrugged.


End file.
